What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
