just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
