lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drake has all the answers
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
