I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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