I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
