I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
