Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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