Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
