I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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