I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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