Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize