To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
