Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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