you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
