Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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