she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
