Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
