dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
