This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
