are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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