Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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