A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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