He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires