"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says