Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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