tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
