Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
