Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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