get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
