I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize