you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
