i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
