There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My feet surprised me
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