well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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