My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
