i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
