I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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