My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
