Moan for me like Helen Keller
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
