Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
