I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
