North Korea, Best Korea!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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