and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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