Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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