I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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