UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
