i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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