I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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