im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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