I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
