Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize