Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
