I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
