I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
