My nipple is on Facebook.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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