i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
