My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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