I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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