There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize